to our knees

You know, today started off awesomely… as I’m sure many people’s did.

It’s Friday, after all. The end of the work week, the holidays approaching. Starbucks in hand, I strolled into work with a faint smile on my face after glancing down at the text I had just received from my sister:

I love my sister. And I take for granted that she’s alive and well in the big city of Chicago. This afternoon when the news of the shooting up in Newton, CT at Sandy Hook Elementary School hit, that mindset immediately came to a halt.

We can't take anything for granted.

It’s nauseating. And sickening. And I’m sure as a not-yet but one day hope to be mom, I can’t even begin to understand that kind of heartbreak.

For me there aren’t really many words, but emotions. My reaction in a time like this is more of extreme sorrow than anger. And confusion. And fear.

This country that we live in is great, for so many different reasons. But when, without any explanation at all people continue to go shoot up malls, movie theaters, and God-forbid elementary schools… it makes me feel so, so shameful. 

And question where as a country we are missing the mark.

Specifically around this time of year, you hear the amazing stories of giving, charity and random acts of kindness. Millions of dollars get donated to charities, meals are provided for people who can’t afford them. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.

But then this happens, and it almost has an un-doing effect to all these good things. And again, I wonder, what is continuing to cause this?

I saw this quote on twitter and it hit me hard:

@mamakatslosinit No need to release weapons of mass destruction on our country...self destruction is apparently where we shine.

I pray a lot when I’m confused. I write rageful entries in my journal, and beg for a change of heart within our country. I’ve written emotion-filled rants on loving better, and I fully believe that’s still needed.

As I sat at work this afternoon and watched social media light up, I noticed the main theme was “Why?”

So many whys. Too many.

I don’t know the answer. But I know my outlet and it’s to pray, and hope and dream.

Whatever your positive outlet is during sad heavy times, whether it be throwing around weights at the gym, a three hour coffee talk with friends or singing your heart out at Sunday morning church, I hope you do that with a little extra passion this weekend. Fall to your knees, whatever that looks like for you. With a passion for this life that we’ve been given, that we only have one shot at to make a lasting impression with… and that can be so wrecklessly and quickly be taken away.

Cheers.