Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Breaking Rules

I did something that I technically shouldn't have done after work last night.

I ran.

I know, I know. I need to heal. But my shoes were calling to me, and I need to work through some things in my head.

So I took off under the bright pink Baltimore sky as the sun slowly sank behind the city. And I thought and I prayed and I pouted and I tried to encourage myself.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Kait, what could possibly be wrong? You just went on a week-long cruise with your sister this past month, and are about to head off to Chicago this weekend to see all of your best friends from college for a blast of  wedding."

True, this is true. And I'm lucky blessed to have the means for all of that to happen. AKA credit cards.

But distracting fun trips aside, can we real talk here?

I'm sad, and just a little bit stuck.

I miss my best friend/partner in crime/boyfriend. I have some heavy family stuff going on. Some tough friend stuff going on. Even work (at times) has been a big fat B.

But instead of sitting here continuing to list off all the sad things in my life, I'm going to say this instead.

I love the phrase 'find joy'. I hashtag it a lot on twitter, heck I even may or may not have tattooed the word JOY somewhere on me recently...

(What? Did I say that outloud?)

My point? I'm having difficulty finding joy in my daily life. And it's so selfish. A year ago I may have blamed this on not being able to run. At this point, I know that's not the case. Running brings me joy, yes. But it brings me joy because of the quiet time that I'm able to have with myself, to clear my head.

This is something I know how to do sans running. I need to tell myself this next time I try to run again prior to being healed.

My deal, I would say, in the midst of all the good things that I have in my life, my priorities have shifted a bit out of whack. And that places/things I should be finding joy and contentment in, I'm simply not looking there. Or trying. I'm getting up, doing abs, going to work, eating lunch, working out, coming home, and going to bed. On the reg.

And for some people, a routine like that might be just what they need. But a routine like that for me, isn't in any way serving other people. It isn't really bettering my life. Or bringing others joy.

'Tis the season to be thankful my friends. It's time for me to set it up a bit.

That's all I've got. I don't even have any pictures, I apologize deeply. Hoping your Wednesday is wonderful.

Cheers -

K


7 comments:

  1. I was in a rut for a while. It is that kind of lingering thing, but I'm trying to focus on positivity and realize that my happiness is in my control and I'm not social or productive or enough whatever because I don't make it happen. Cheer up! I'm always down to accompany you to froyo-that makes me happy, even if just for a little bit!

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  2. Thinking of you through your family / friend / work 'ish. My whole world has been crashing a bit lately and what's helped for me is to redefine priorities - do the things I want to do, sleep in a little, show up 15 mins "late" to work with a coffee in hand (still one of the first people there). Figure out what you need and you will flourish! :)

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  3. I want to hear more about this tattoo that is helping you to remember to always find your joy.

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  4. sorry to hear you have so much to deal with right now, this too shall pass. :) and I think you need to how us this tattoo! i love tatts!

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