L's

Never in my life have I wanted to fast forward through a few weeks more than this past month of March.

More than back when I had college finals, more than long weeks of two-a-days during volleyball preseason; I would go through all of that again without hesitation to avoid the pain that March brought with the loss of our pup.

It's been eye opening how together we've dealt with the gaping wound that loss brings. At first I felt pretty desperate, knowing there was literally nothing that was going to heal my heart besides time.

Time.

It's time that it takes to heal a lot of things really - physical and emotional - injuries, getting over relationships, etc. And so with that comes patience that you don't want to have.

I wondered how I was going to get work done, get groceries purchased, when every 5 minutes something would trigger tears and I would literally belly-flop face down onto our bed and get mascara on the sheets for the 4th time that day.

Don't worry, I'm not doing that anymore.

Andrew has a habit of using sports analogies throughout conversation, a habit I've grown to love. So March was a lot of discussion around 'curve balls' and 'taking an L' (a big one) and re-figuring out our life in Tel Aviv without a dog, a life we haven't known here.

Anyways, the point of this blog post isn't to make you sad, even if it is a little sad. I waited a long time to write again because I wanted to wait until I had something positive to say, and until I had a grasp on what I was learning. Because there is always something to learn from situations that life throws at us.

So here is what I learned, that I've always known, but never really known:

1. You will always need your family more than you think.  Even when you're 29 and "all grown up" you're not - you will need your mom and your sister to lay on the couch with you and cry while they bring you a glass of wine. And your dad to take you out to breakfast and simply reminisce about times when life was a little more simple.

2. When you're upset, wait to write. Actually no, write whenever you want to but wait to publish your words. You don't want to see some of the dark stuff I have in other drafts and journals.

3. We will never be confronted with things in our life that we aren't able to handle. It might feel like it at the time - I fully, 100% believed that I wasn't going to function in Tel Aviv without Kai; she was my right-hand woman and went everywhere with me. And while I'm still sad and sometimes lonely, I'm very much functioning - waayyyy better than I thought I would be able to. Even if functioning means I'm stopping to pet every other dog I see on the street.

4. There will always be good in bad. You just have to allow yourself to see it - which can take awhile. When you are sitting in a situation that feels like 100% shit, I promise there's something good you can dig out of that shit.

It snowed my last day in Chicago, and to me it felt like a sign. Snow has always been my thing, and it brought this weird sense of calm when walking into O'Hare through the flurries to get on my flight to go back and see my husband and face our empty apartment for the first time.

Losing things; people, pets, jobs - loss is never easy. There's often a big fat why, but honestly what has helped me to keep my chin up (besides my great husband) has been to stop questioning. If I'm being honest 2017 started off super bumpy, I felt like my heart was being repeatedly stomped on - situation after situation, a lot of which will never make it here in text. But I had to force myself to stop trying to figure out WHY it was all happening, stop always trying to find logic in hardships, and instead just trust that it was supposed to happen.

Trust - keep on swimming, and find the good. Joy is tattooed on my foot for a reason; because we are designed to be joyful, and to find it even when we think we can't.

So cheers, to the life that a new month brings. Andrew and I have a pretty crazy two months ahead of us, and I'm excited to sit back and enjoy that ride - good and bad.

Kait

Waves

Fun fact: Israel is roughly the same size as the state of New Jersey

Now that I threw out a captivating fact to grab your attention, Happy Wednesday.  By the time you read this I'll most likely be closer to Thursday, but that's ok.

One thing I've always wrestled with when moving somewhere new (this is now my third time) is the lacking of simplicity. What I mean by this is, for awhile, things that would normally be fairly simple or mindless are not.  The amount of effort that has to be put into tasks such as finding the nearest grocery store, then purchasing said groceries, etc., is much more tasking in a brand new place.

Hebrew and a different currency don't help, but it's all new regardless of those barriers.

Relationships are the biggest simplicity that I consistently miss directly after the move - outside of Andrew, and my dog - all relationships are starting from scratch, having to be built up and nurtured, and therefore require a lot more time and energy than a relationship that is familiar and has been standing for years.

This is just me thinking out loud, not necessarily complaining, because I expected all of this going into the move.

One awesome thing about living in the middle of Tel Aviv is that when I'm having a bad day, a slower day, or just need to get out for awhile, the beach is always an option. And pretty much a guaranteed pick-me-up.

So yesterday after a productive morning I made the ten minute trek to the shore and was PUMPED to find that the waves were massive.

 {For the Med that is. I'm not talking Hawaii-sized waves but big enough to at least body surf and get tossed around}

I don't know what it is about big waves, but they make me irrationally happy. So I left my backpack near the shore by some trustworthy looking peeps and ran in, as cool-looking as possible (which is actually impossible when doing such an act alone).

It was a little odd, splashing and playing about in the waves completely by myself. I did some handstands and caught some of the bigger waves, trying to body surf them in. At one point a larger wave threw me under and I actually came back up with a stupid smile on my face.

An older gentleman was nearby also by himself, and we both caught each other smiling as another big wave came barreling through.  And it was the simplicity of those 20 minutes or so, completely alone with myself yet on a beach full of people that brought me a lot of unexpected joy.

So the point of this weird story?  I think joy is very easily found in simplicity, and I believe simplicity can be found easier than we often realize. You kind of just have to keep your eyes open, and seek it out.  I know building solid relationships out here is going to be a very healthy thing for both of us in the long run - but sometimes it's best to just take a step away from the noise and the events and the planned dinners or meet and greets - and be alone.

On that note, I'm off to another lunch.  Because it's about balance; and while my comfort zone is a good, necessary place to retreat to, I'm not going to make any friends standing in the ocean alone all day.

Cheers- 

Kait

Embracing

Disclaimer: this is me rehashing a rant I had in my head this morning. While everyone may not necessarily fall into this mindset or agree with me, I’m going to stick to the whole ‘my blog my rules’ thing.

I’m a huge sucker for the ‘embrace life, find joy’ type of catch phrases. I’m a big believer in living this mindset out… but as they are pretty vague blanket statements, sometimes I feel myself getting stuck on them.  Embrace life? Ok, I mean I can try. But how do I do that, day in and day out, every.single.day.?

Recently I have been finding myself in situations where that voice in my head is saying ‘Kait, you live in an awesome, beautiful, fun city. You are 26, engaged, you should absolutely be loving life, no matter what life is bringing.’ And I mean that. But sometimes like I mentioned above, I’m not quite sure how to embrace it. I find myself getting stuck in the comfort of routine and 9 pm bedtimes…. And that’s ok, sometimes.

But nights like last night, when we found ourselves down by the water in Annapolis watching his talented cousins’ recital, I had an ‘Ok why not stay for a drink and embrace this Thursday with family?’ kind of moment.

And mornings like this morning, when that Thursday night drink in Annapolis gave me an extra late bedtime.... I would have loved to have slept in; loved to. But I was committed to trying November Project and making my morning count. Embracing the day and starting it off sweaty; one of my favorite things ever.

sweaty 6:30 AM high fives

More on November Project coming soon I'm sure.

What is my point? Hmmm, what is my point…

My point is,  I don’t think twenty-something is the time for me to ‘settle down’ and settle in (for some people it is, and that's just dandy) I mean, responsibilities-wise, do what you want, that’s your motif and I will always respect it. But while running up hills from hell this morning with 20+ other strangers, while blaring ‘Turn Down for What’ in the middle of my favorite Baltimore Park… I realized what an exciting time this is. 

Stressful? Sure. Hard? You bet. But this is literally the ONLY time in my life I will most likely be at my fitness prime, childless, engaged, living in an awesome city, with a great job... Pretty much able to do WHATEVER I want in my free-time.

And sometimes, that will mean ice cream, movie and a 9 pm bedtime. But I think when we are talking about the whole ‘embracing life thing’…. I think I would prefer that you more often find me enveloped in some intense debate with my fiancé, down by the water enjoying a glass of wine. Or maybe yoga on a rooftop on a Saturday morning instead of still in bed. Or maybe an O’s game, feeling the love and the buzz of this little city on the harbor, that now has a place in my heart.

I don’t know. Sleep is important, rest is important. But in this moment, at a very happy 26 years of age, I gota say...

I’m just not too worried about it.

Sorry for the bluntness... but really I’m not. I’m off for a quick 3 miles and then to the Oriole’s game. It’s a perfect evening and summer is fading quicker than we think

Oh and PS – I wrote some more stuff on crossfit as well if you’reinterested.

Cheers my friends –

Kait

Keeping it Simple

Man, it’s been awhile eh? The holidays called for some time off in all areas of life, so I took the time to keep my laptop powered down and give my fingers a rest.

Let’s talk about this crazy cold weather everywhere, eh? I know Chicago has basically turned into a tundra, but Baltimore even got down into the single digits today -  my Civic wasn’t too eager to start up this morning.

But do you know who was eager to start up this morning? Beth.

My Christmas present from Andrew was a bike trainer, which was shipped in a large box from Amazon. It was a bitch blast to set up last night, but I’m in love. I plan to get a thorough sweat session on her tomorrow after work, and can’t wait until it gets a bit warmer to do run bike run type workouts.

To give a short and sweet summary of my holiday season – it was long, and wonderful. Much time was spent with family and friends; great food drink and conversation happened. And of course a few runs.

One of my other favorite gifts was this guy:

And my favorite blog shout out of the year was text to me from my sister’s boyfriend, who decorated a Christmas cookie for me...

RKR = Run Kait Run. Awww thanks Jase you're a gem.

And of course, once wheels were down in Colorado there were plenty of lights to fall in love under, trails to fall in love on, and mountains to take our breath away. 

Baltimore quickly swallowed us back up this past Sunday afternoon as we somehow navigated the absurd delays and cancellations at airports across the nation; we got away with just a one hour delay, landing at BWI right around 3 pm with eight bags in tow between the two of us.

New Years Resolution? Learn to travel lighter.

Kidding. Let’s get real for a minute. Last year I made a very elaborate New Year’s Resolution list. It included different categories, etc. Some things I achieved – I feel like I did a great job of being pretty proactive, all injury aside. Definitely have been flossing more too.

Others, like ‘stop chewing on my cuticles’… I once again failed. Maybe this year?

Anyways, listen up. This year I’m keeping it simple. Literally.

There were points during the past year that all of my resolutions, goals and what not literally stressed me out. I found myself having panic attacks over not becoming a taco connoisseur while I simultaneously tried to do a sugar cleanse for three weeks. I reprimanded myself when I couldn’t find the time to practice my violin, and cried when I realized I wouldn’t hit my goal time for my marathon… because my fifth metatarsal was once again cracked, and running was off the table.

My body is still healing. On my to-do list tonight is to create a viable fitness plan for myself these next few months so that I can get myself into true healthy running shape. Yes I’m running, yet not that much, and not pain-free.

My point is, as far as specific running/racing goals, body goals, health goals, life goals, here’s what I’ve basically wrapped into one for 2014:

Keep it Simple

Keep it Balanced

Do it Joyfully

I want to drink more lemon water. I think I’ll do that; at least I’ll try. One of my best friends reprimanded me for not doing sit-ups ‘the right way’ – this is coming from Mr. Crossfit himself.

that guy  ^^  (& my sis)

Ok, Ok, I’ll work on my sit-up form. I’ve been missing my abs these days anyways – the Christmas cookies buried them.

I want a stronger upper body. I can work on that. And eventually, when I sign up for some races, I will set some short term goals there. But I’m keeping it simple, I’m not stressing myself out, and I’m living 2014 as joyfully as I can. After all, I did tattoo the word on myself. 

Glad to be back my friends. Share some of your resolutions/goals with me, I’d love to hear them. Let’s make 2014 one to remember, what do you say?

Cheers –

K

Crafty Kait

I have personal rules when it comes to the celebration of seasons. Fall begins in September, winter begins in December. I don't care what the official dates are, that's just how I operate.

Christmas music cannot start until Thanksgiving. However, my roommate is going to break the rules and start decorating our house for Christmas this coming week. So yesterday I broke my own rule and pulled out my snowman mug from hibernation. It had been a long week, and I needed some joy at work.

Wednesday was a particularly rough day for me, one of those a whole bunch of little things added up to a slight meltdown at my desk. So when Thursday rolled around our highschool intern strolled in and handed me two bags of these:

and offered apologies for my rough day yesterday. He sits kitty-corner from my desk for the few hours a day that he's in the office, and most likely thinks I'm a nut job. I am. Regardless, the gesture was precious and brightened my day.

seriously though.

Changing subjects, remember how I have been gym-less since moving to Baltimore in July, and have just been bouncing around on free trials like a sneaky little weasel? Well I scored a 30-day pass to Canton Club about two weeks ago, and have been LOVING the 5:30 AM Friday morning spin class.

The instructor has the potential to be my grandma's age, no exaggeration, and she kicks our asses. Repeatedly. Gets up there, plays some awesome jams, and screams motivation until my gluts are on fire.

Another awesome part of the class is that the studio overlooks the harbor, so we got to see a beautiful sunrise. I wasn't able to snap a picture of the sunrise itself as I was too busy sweating like a madwoman, but hopefully these help you get an idea...

My roommates and I are hosting a Bears/Ravens party tomorrow paired with a Friendsgiving (it's likely I will be the only Bears fan present) and therefore we felt the need to be domesticated and crafty last night with a few glasses of wine. Here's what we came up with:

Pinecone turkeys!

While I sat at the table tracing my hand I realized it had most likely been about 20 years since I had last made a turkey out of my hand. We all did it at some point in elementary school, and there was an odd level of joy that I found in the simplicity of doing it.

Or maybe it was the wine, I don't know.

I'm off to the gym. Today calls for the elliptical and a solid lifting session, I really haven't been giving my muscles enough attention lately. Hope your weekend is fabulous, Go Bears!

Cheers - 

K

L&M

Here, my friends, is the recap of my weekend that brought me a whole lot of joy. Better late than never I suppose.

As mentioned last week, I traveled home to Chicago this past weekend for one of my best friend's - Lyndi's - wedding. It was beautiful, tastefully done, and the best part - everyone was there.

some of the crew

I don't talk much about my college volleyball career on here. I should - it honestly taught me so much. I don't often mention my volleyball teammates who were my sisters, and the baseball and soccer players who were my brothers. Our class had a very solid camaraderie in particular, it was honestly pretty awesome. We were a tight knit group of athletes at an already small DI school, and damnit we were proud to be Division I. We worked hard and practiced hard and played hard and sometimes studied hard... all the while having each other's backs, always.

Fall 2009

Fall 2013

Impressive what a little makeup can do eh?

But that internship with the Olympics whisked me to Colorado the final spring semester of my senior year, and Colorado overtook my life for the next two years or so.  I went off the grid and fell in love with the Rocky Mountains and kind of let them swallow me up. Colorado stole me for a solid two years, before moving to Baltimore (almost two years now WHAT).

Three years was far too long to go without seeing some of my closest college friends. And it took this weekend to remember that.

It was a wonderful affair – the wedding ceremony, the reception, the dancing, the post-reception live music. I text Lyndi, the bride, the next day thanking her for hosting such a perfect weekend. Perfect, because we were all together again, and so freaking happy. The best part of the day, and I think she would agree, was the amount of love that was present. A whole bunch of Bradley Alum came together to celebrate two of our own athletes who had made it past our safe college bubble into the real world, and it was genuinely a joyful evening.

It’s hard flying back east after being reminded of the supportive friends I have in the Midwest. It made me excited to return in December over the holidays and see what kind of shenanigans we can get into. Thank you Lyndi and Mikey, for putting on one hell of a party wedding. And thank you x50 for letting me share it with you.

This is a cheesy post, I know. I just can't help but think, as I sit here writing this, how important my friends will always continue to be to me. I love sharing weekends like this, and it definitely helped give me a bit of encouragement coming back to Baltimore for the final countdown.

August 2006

November 2013

Treasure the relationships you have in your life; they are precious, and most likely bring you more joy than you even realize.

Cheesiness, done. Make today great my friends.

Cheers -

K

Breaking Rules

I did something that I technically shouldn't have done after work last night.

I ran.

I know, I know. I need to heal. But my shoes were calling to me, and I need to work through some things in my head.

So I took off under the bright pink Baltimore sky as the sun slowly sank behind the city. And I thought and I prayed and I pouted and I tried to encourage myself.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Kait, what could possibly be wrong? You just went on a week-long cruise with your sister this past month, and are about to head off to Chicago this weekend to see all of your best friends from college for a blast of  wedding."

True, this is true. And I'm lucky blessed to have the means for all of that to happen. AKA credit cards.

But distracting fun trips aside, can we real talk here?

I'm sad, and just a little bit stuck.

I miss my best friend/partner in crime/boyfriend. I have some heavy family stuff going on. Some tough friend stuff going on. Even work (at times) has been a big fat B.

But instead of sitting here continuing to list off all the sad things in my life, I'm going to say this instead.

I love the phrase 'find joy'. I hashtag it a lot on twitter, heck I even may or may not have tattooed the word JOY somewhere on me recently...

(What? Did I say that outloud?)

My point? I'm having difficulty finding joy in my daily life. And it's so selfish. A year ago I may have blamed this on not being able to run. At this point, I know that's not the case. Running brings me joy, yes. But it brings me joy because of the quiet time that I'm able to have with myself, to clear my head.

This is something I know how to do sans running. I need to tell myself this next time I try to run again prior to being healed.

My deal, I would say, in the midst of all the good things that I have in my life, my priorities have shifted a bit out of whack. And that places/things I should be finding joy and contentment in, I'm simply not looking there. Or trying. I'm getting up, doing abs, going to work, eating lunch, working out, coming home, and going to bed. On the reg.

And for some people, a routine like that might be just what they need. But a routine like that for me, isn't in any way serving other people. It isn't really bettering my life. Or bringing others joy.

'Tis the season to be thankful my friends. It's time for me to set it up a bit.

That's all I've got. I don't even have any pictures, I apologize deeply. Hoping your Wednesday is wonderful.

Cheers -

K

speak more of joy than of darkness

Do you like that title? It's another one of the mid-year goals that I made. They are slowly being revealed on here.. they aren't all to share but most are.

This is a hard goal for me. So, instead of b*tching, I'm going to do something simple. I'm going to talk about recent things that have made me very happy.

Free coupons from Starbucks. Because when I ordered an orange spiced coffee and they were out of the orange slices to put in it, they wanted to make it up to me. 

Let's just say I'll be stashing this bad boy away until the pumpkin spice lattes hit the shelves.

Grocery Shopping. Especially in the mornings, when the store isn’t crowded. It's simple, and I love it.

Free boxes in the mail:

This came about two weeks ago if I recall. LOVE what Kona Kase does, they've never let me down. I tried a couple of these delightful treats pre-sugar detox, and can’t wait to dive back in afterwards. I can say that I LOVED the Garuka Bar – check out their badass website here. Honey at its finest.

 Mr. Luke Bryan ladies and gentleman. In case you live in a hole, he released a new album today, and hot damn is it sexy. Listen and weep - I know I did.

In other news, my lovely roommates are slowly and brilliantly decorating our house. Look at the masterpiece gallery they created on Sunday night. I take zero credit, I literally stood there agreeing with everything said until I was excused to my room to go to bed at 8 PM. 

(this was post-triathlon + 5 miles, sue me)

My far away lover who I currently miss like no other sent me an awesome quote today. I'm a quote girl - particularly on Pinterest - but this one definitely hit me today. It's beautiful. I can't expect other people to be as enticed with sugar detoxes, running miles upon miles, etc., for the same exact reason that I have zero interest in interior decorating.

To each their own grind.
I like it.

I hope this post made you happy, if nothing else. I'm going to stretch, ice, and pass out. It's been real.

Cheers!

Dog Kisses

My sister and I had a pretty awesome discussion the other night. We were wrestling with Jane on my bedroom floor, and she noted,

"I think what I love most about Jane is how much she just loves life. Almost every single moment, she's able to find joy in it."

I love that. It's true, probably for most dogs. But then the question started brewing in my head...

Why isn't this true for most humans?

Finding joy in almost every single moment of life. Through the good and the bad. That's some hard stuff right there. But is it possible? I think it might be.

It's super easy to get caught up in the hardness and roughness of life. When the curveball gets thrown, and you swing and miss and run off in the corner with your tail between your legs, only to throw a pity party for yourself. It's actually one of my favorite things to do.

I've had similar rants on here before about joy, it's a word I love and am passionate about. But this isn't really a rant. This is me simply publicly committing to attempting to find joy in the moments that I really don't want to. Recently I've been writing it on my hand to give myself a frequent reminder.

Hold me accountable on this one, OK?

I woke up this morning feeling nice and sore from a solid crossfit workout yesterday evening, coached by my friend Greg. The WOD was:

Slam balls, sets of 50-40-30-20-10 reps.

Between each set, run 200 meters.

The Rx weight for the slam balls was 30/20, but out of fear for not being able to walk today I used 10 lbs. I finished right around 10:18, and Greg patted my on the back and said 'you probably could have used a 20 lb ball.'

He was probably right. Although I'm not consistently doing crossfit, I have been trying to incorporate more of those type of workouts into my routine. I think I'm getting stronger? Don't quote me on that.

REAAALLLY hope the neighbors didn't see me snap this

This morning still required some heavy foam rolling. Jane thought it was a toy and tried chewing it.

I'm gonna miss that mutt. I'm flying out of Milwaukee tomorrow morning. Time at home was great, but it will definitely be nice to fall back into a routine again in  Baltimore. Type A at it's finest. 

I hope you have a fabulous weekend, and are able to find joy even in the shitty harder parts. If you need any help, go find a dog, they are great examples.

PS- today's my mom's Bday - if you know her, make sure you wish her a very happy one! :)

Cheers!